Learning to Grieve and Celebrate Life

A week into my India trip, my homestay family lost their grandmother. That devastating, crushing feeling returned. I had just told my mom how she reminded me of my Grandma and how she had said I reminded her of her granddaughter. I had also just said to my mom the night before that I hadn't yet taken the time to mourn Grandad, which was the purpose of this trip.

I feel sad that I only knew her for the last week of her life. Everyone had such wonderful things to say about her. She was 86 and full of stories of her brave crossing from Pakistan during the partition in the 40s. It was a really strange coincidence that on my personal journey to mourn my grandfather, where I never got to go home and mourn with my family, my homestay family also goes through a period of grieving. I tried to give my family the space they needed, after all, I was a stranger in their home, but they were so gracious to me and welcomed me to share in their loss. It was exactly what I needed. I attended the Sikh temple with them for the final prayers and blessings. I felt like a part of the family.

This experience allowed me to take the time to pray and talk to my grandfather. To tell him how sorry I was that I didn't come home. To tell him how much I miss him. To ask him to help loosen the grip sorrow had on my heart as it was preventing me from celebrating in his life. I cried. I laughed. I prayed. I finally acknowledged that he had left this world and is again dancing with my grandma. I may never get over the loss of the most important people in my life, but at least I gave myself the space and time I needed to just be. Throughout the rest of my trip in India, I tried to be more appreciative, more aware, and more open. This way I could release the negative, sad, and angry emotions and make way for positive, celebratory, and grateful feelings. I love my grandparents and I am so thankful to have had the many years I did with them. India opened the doors for some serious self reflection, and it was exactly what I needed.

<3
Jennika